i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
