I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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