Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
