I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
