Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
