Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
