Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
