My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
