The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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