I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize