OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
