There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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