My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
