I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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