This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
