You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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