there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
