Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
