I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
