Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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