Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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