At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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