your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Im part way to drunk.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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