There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
