I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
