Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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