Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
