my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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