guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
