Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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