How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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