Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
