dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
