Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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