At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
