:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
