I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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