Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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