Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
