i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
