if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
