I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
