Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
