I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
