oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
