hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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