the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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