my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
