i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
