Your face is a jimmy john
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
