i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
