thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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