I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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