he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
