Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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