If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
