I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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