Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
