I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
