You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
