You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i think i just lost a toe
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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