Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
