dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm always down for nudity.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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