Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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