Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize