guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my sisters under your porch take her home
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
