I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
