he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
