hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
