We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
