Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
