Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there was a trapeze. enough said
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
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