somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
